Knock knock. Who’s there? Work. Don’t open and it might go away.

Well I never thought it. I have tried avoiding it as much as I could, but it seems to creep up to me as much as I fight it.

A career.

I’m pretty satisfied working behind the scenes, nice and neat admin. Meeting loads of people and knowing all that’s going on without the responsibility. Now I feel being pushed in a role that though appealing is not something I’m actively looking for and frankly kind of scares me.

Give me a 9 to 5, and I’m happy. I can go to movies, to film festivals and keep up with my blog. Have a life besides the work-me. Now, I’m going 1 hour earlier to work, stay later, all in the focus of getting the job done. To be proud of what I deliver and be certain everything is done  before the opening day. Currently it’s just at the crunch moments, near the completion of the project, but I fear it might evolve to this all the time. Maybe it’s just the stress from these past 3 weeks talking. I’ve done a lot of hours since, that it feels like it’s all I’ve ever done. Maybe I’ve lost the ability to put things into perspective. I’ve always had trouble being stress resilient and not having things going according to my schedule.

I’m just uncomfortable being on the foreground. Maybe it’s something to grow into. We’ll see.


Alien³ (1992)

imagesOK, I’m going to beshort on this post. I have seen a whole bunch of Alien movies in the past month, not particularly in the right order: Aliens, Alien, Promethius, Alien³. Still to go are obviously Alien Resurection and Alien vs Predator.

What I just don’t get is when and how dit Ripley get the alien inside her? Poof, suddenly she’s got an alien queen in her chest? How did that happen? Did a scene get cut and does that give the explanation? It must be something I missed, but what?!!! Argh, very frustrating!

Mad Dog and Glory (1993)

For months I spent evenings flicking through channels in search of a nice movie, to sit in the couch and just enjoy a film with a good story. Nothing. Reality shows. Poorly written series. Infinite re-runs of sit coms that were funny last century, but have now lost their appeal because of the never-ending loop of airing.

So when does a nice movie play? At fricken midnight! Djeez. I do believe they do this on purpose.

Agony aside: it was a nice surprise to have flicked onto the right channel and at the start of Mad Dog and Glory, which stars Robert de Niro (Mad Dog – Wayne), a very young Uma Thurman (Glory), Bill Murray (Frank) and David Caruso (Mike) who displayed a more dynamic way of acting which is very much lost in his CSI Miami days.


We follow Wayne and Mike, cops, as they are called to crime scenes. Wayne is a crime scene photographer, who has the ambition to be an artistic photographer but lacks the courage to follow it through. But also as a cop, he seems to lack much courage because he’s a guy who gets out-of-the-way of confrontation. He won’t easily draw his gun. Clearly shown when he enters a night shop where a stick up is going on. He negotiates with the criminal to take the money and scram, and only when the guy has run away does he take his gun to go after him.

It is at this stick up that Wayne meets Frank, the guy assaulted by the criminal. Frank is a mobster and invites Wayne at his club where he does stand up comedy. Frank fears Wayne is too afraid to undertake anything in his life to make it better or to follow his ambitions. So he sends up Glory, a girl in his debt who works as a bar tender in his club, to spend a week with Wayne and keep him happy….


At last a good movie on TV in a long time. Robert de Niro is excellent, not like the parts he’s been playing in recent years. Murray is delightful, as expected. And it’s just a sweet story… a must see, I’m sure!

Predators (2010)

Don’t you also have those days when you wonder why on Earth you pay for television, cause nothing is ever on?

Luckily, we borrowed this weekend : Predators!

Not exactly a chick flick, but those aren’t what they crack up to be either (still wished I hadn’t watched half of Confessions of a shopaholic!!! – why, why did I watch that!). I did see the first one with Schwartzie (you know I mean Predator, right – there’s only one Confessions of a shopaholic  I hope and Schwartzenegger isn’t in it!) but that’s so long ago, I only remember: forest – shooting – ugly alien – ugly alien cloaked – mud. But that’s ok. I tend to forget plot lines with guy-movies. Though I never really stop being entertained.

So, Nimród Antal  directs and stars Adrien Brody (The Pianist), Topher Grace (That 70s Show), Laurence Fishburne (The Matrix) and Danny Trejo (Desperado) … from the actors I know in it.


We start off by seeing Brody falling through the sky, seemingly unconscious but waking up from that state while falling. His parachute luckily opens in time before falling in a tropical forest. He’s not alone, because other parachute drop as well and soon after landing our man Brody gets fired at.

It’s clear that all persons in that forest seem to have come into it in the same way: unaware and by falling out of the sky. Each dropped person seems to have a military or ‘hands on’ background, or even a very questionable one. Except for one, who is a doctor (Grace). – I don’t know about you, but I immediately doubt on the ‘innocence’ of this doctor, who seems to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Not to spoil it for anyone, but I think it’s pretty clear by the title of the movie, all dropped are to be hunted like game and it’s either work together to survive, or survive each other.


I was entertained. I liked Brody and what he did with his voice. Cause honestly, thinking about Adrien Brody you’d wonder if a skinny dude like him would survive an alien hunt, but he convinced me. But over all, there was limited gore, but enough.

What does annoy me, as in every hunted movie, is that there is always some character who cannot keep shut or quiet down, while hunted by horrible killers/aliens. Shut up! Don’t give your position away, you fool! Every time again!

And then one last thing I didn’t feel for is the credit song : Long Tall Sally by Little Richard. I mean, throughout the movie we had good and the right kind of music (I mean right by the look and feel of the movie), and then bam: end with a song that felt so wrong. I don’t care if  it was used in the original Predator film, it felt wrong. Like wearing a nice, sophisticated black dress, and then orange pantyhose and muddy sneakers under it. Just not done.

Oh to be a domestic godess!

To say I’m a princess in the kitchen would be a lie. I cook to survive.  🙂

I am interested in the art of gastronomy on a plate. It looks good, it smells good, and food tastes good. I’m a big fan. But when it comes to getting it done, I’m not always able to do well.

I can do wonders with minced meat, olives, onions, carrots, whip up a spicy tomato sauce with it… and present it with flair.

Just now, I’m searching for recipes for fish dishes (decided that Tuesdays and Fridays will be fish-menu-days) and thankfully most sites have search engines with “difficulty”-levels! If only I knew more kinds of fish besides the “it has fins and goes blurb doesn’t it?”-kind.

Something I noticed since I got my place, is that I cannot stand it to have a quiet kitchen. It makes me nervous. And come to think of it… mom always has her radio playing in the kitchen. I need to have music. But due to the size of my kitchen (I’ve known tool boxes to have more room), and all the stuff I put in it… there simply is no room to put a radio. So I listen to the iPod. I cook with headphones on. And besides the occasional accident with the headphones cord getting stuck behind things (that’s me!), it makes me happy to cook that way.

I’ve tried several genres of music. Until now what works well are the Kaiser Chiefs (Yours Truly, Angry Mob), though Joss Stone is a great one when making salads. But nothing makes you chop up onions and carrots better than “Highroyds”, I think. Pearl Jam is also a good one, the self titled album or Binaural.

So I wonder actually, if there are other people who also need a noisy kitchen, like me? Cause let me tell you, it helps to have background noises when you drop the darn spoons again for the umpteenth time. It makes it less obvious (or I’m deceiving myself in thinking so…).

Still looking for that pearly oyster

In order to get things a bit sorted on this blog, I’ve been proof reading some of my old posts that have been put under Uncategorized, since my merge to WordPress from Blogger. (Nearly all nicely categorized!).

And I stumbled on this post I had written after I had done my final presentation on my internship in my graduation year at college:

If you read it, after the link (there’s a nice Calvin & Hobbes comic to start the post, I wrote on what it would be like after graduating and looking for my first job. More than 3 years on, I can only say this:

If I knew now what I knew back then, I’d be living in ignorant bliss; but unfortunately I know now what I didn’t know back then and that’s a bit unfortunate.

I knew I would have to put up with a lot of things, but there are still surprises every day. Communication is key. Words! As Auden put it “Words like axes” or was it Sylvia Plath? Indeed: Plath! (Gosh I do miss those English Poetry classes!)

After whose stroke the wood rings,
And the echoes!
Echoes traveling
Off from the center like horses.
The sap
Wells like tears, like the
Water striving
To re-establish its mirror
Over the rock
That drops and turns,
A white skull,
Eaten by weedy greens.
Years later I
Encounter them on the road
Words dry and riderless,
The indefatigable hoof-taps.
From the bottom of the pool, fixed stars
Govern a life.
(Poet: Sylvia PlathPoem: Words – Volume: The Collected Poems –Year: Published/Written in 1963 )

– and no, after this poem I’m not going to put my head in any oven (like Plath) unless it is to check if the chocolate cake is done!

Every day is a battle with words, interpretation of others or by others, words with intent, words with ulterior motives, hurtful words, complementing words, lying words… It still amazes me every day how words/communication can be so influential on making or breaking a project. So indeed, they can be like axes.

Well, behind my desk, I sometimes do believe everything seemed more promising back in college. The world as my oyster, ready to be picked and opened, to find that pearl… but as it is, sometimes you have to go out and pick several ones to get to that pearl (if there even is one, maybe it’s a con!). But still. Nothing lost. Future’s filled with oysters. Who knows; in 3 years time, I look back very differently at this period. Maybe I’ll be still blogging then too,  to comment about it. :p

The database

I’m beginning to think that the series The IT Crowd is not that far off from reality.

(Do you know this series? It’s great! Definitely check it out if you haven’t.)

Because I feel just like an idiot when I get the reply at work after computer failure: “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”. Like that solves the problem?!


For weeks now, maybe even longer, I’ve been experiencing problems with the database at work. My Business Contact Manager isn’t managing my contacts for business properly. When I turn my pc on in the morning, it decides whether it is a good day or bad day for it, and then turns off according its mood. And yes, I know I’m humanizing a machine, no, a program. Machines have it in for me. It’s clear-cut as that.


When finally, I get someone to look at it – not the right person, but close enough – they notice that with restarting the pc, the database becomes accessible again.

Read this with a booming voice of pride and loads of self-esteem: “here you go, you simply need to turn it off and on again and it seems right as rain!” And exit smart guy.

(I would like to take this opportunity, in order not to rub my IT colleagues the wrong way and who I presume will stumble on this post in a near future, to say how swell you guys are, always there for me, couldn’t imagine nicer colleagues then you guys – I’m blaming my post rant on frustration and incapability to sort out this mess, not targeting you guys. Hugs to you all!)

Ok. I admit. The database appeared again. Yet it is still offline. Everything I have encoded in it, is only accessible to me, not to people on the network (a little detail I just noticed today, after weeks of encoding cards). This explains why my boss continuously asks me to look up contact details. I was beginning to think the man was unable to run a database search! But it all comes back to me not having an online database!

Sorry to bore you with IT stuff, but it’s just beyond me. This is not productivity. Because you see what has happened?

I’ve become the database.

I possess the data.

I have access to the data.

And people access me to get to the data.

I’m databasefab —- INSERT DATA SEARCH HERE —-

bleep bleep bleep


bleep bleep bleep

Wednesday blues

she feels confused and not amused
highs and lows fill out her day

she wants to speak but words are lost
she can’t express, can’t say

amid the crowd, she’d love to shout
but nothing seems to come

she’s used to keep everything deep
not bother not disturb no problems

but that’s not healthy and that’s not good
the reason often not understood

there are those days when just one drop
will make the bucket tumble

and after the flood, she gets right back on top
clean slate and just going forward

some days are highs, some days are lows
sometimes it’s just how it flows

Carpe diem and all that jazz….

Video (yeah yeah I know ‘the cure again?!’) called Just Say Yes.

I suffered from a very bad headache today, but looking at the people on the tram I noticed that there were a lot of sad and troubled faces, while I’m sure they were not having a headache. Made me think people are stuck in a rud and don’t there saying yes to things coming their way. Hey, I’m the first to admit it isn’t easy and that I often say no to opportunities without knowing why. Overthinking and fear the main cause. So I just wanted to sent out a positive vibe saying: just say yes.

The acoustic version you can find here sounds better to me, but I thought if I post them in black and white with serious faces, it might lose some appeal. But seriously, it sounds great and I’m just fond of acoustic guitars (as I might have mentioned several times before…)

Duet with Saffron (former Republica lead singer).

Song was Robert Smith’s reaction to all the “just say no” campaigns that reigned a few years back.

Warning: it’s very pop, happy, colourful, just you know!

I’m so tired right now

I will not have a lot of time to blog this week. I just started my first job and it is nerve wrecking and frightening. Too much information at once, too many people to know and remember… I’m still not over the fact I couldn’t stay at the place I did my internship. That’s really eating me up inside…

Honestly, I’m a bit of a mess now. And in serious need of comforting. So until I get my act together, I doubt I will post anything of interest any time soon.

So keep well out there and I will try to get my act together again.

Animal kingdom explored: a closer look

Two Faced people. A rare species, not in danger of extinction what-so-ever.

They travel in packs, in small or large numbers. Usually found near easily recognizable gathering places i.e. snack machines, coffee break rooms. Avoiding their prey, yet circling near them in anticipation of being caught. For this is the thrill they seek and live for.

How do you tell them from regular people?
Many studies have been done, yet the results are astounding and sometimes unreliable. Two Faced people can be very cunning.

  • A visible sign: turning slightly red in the face when entering their territory i.e. the room.
  • Babbling nonsense all of a sudden is an other sign, in the audible category.
  • Excessive smiling towards you when before they talked rapidly and furiously to others of their species.

Then there are those who are masters at their tactics: these are difficult to spot for there are no signs (visual or audible) and are easy to trust. Yet somewhere in the back of your mind, you do have a primal instinct warning you are someone’s prey: hunted by the Two Faced.

What actions can you take when encountering this all too common breed?
Unfortunately, not much can be done. Avoidance could work, but has its flaws. Confronting them only works in 35% of all cases.

Precautionary measure: always stay somewhat aloof. It is known this Two Faced species have on occasion turned people to their creed. You could be next.

… does it show I just got back from my lunch break at work?


Treat them right, they give you joy

Today, coming home from work, I saw a woman reading a book and pushing the front cover entirely to the back cover while reading. My muscles tensed, I felt the hair in my neck rise and I had to bite my lip! How can anyone brutalize a book in such a manner! There I was, reading my book… carefully, respecting it … but I couldn’t concentrate on the story. I just couldn’t enjoy reading anymore.

So please, whenever you read, try not to break the spines of your books. Books can give you so much, a whole world if you let them … treat them with respect.

Thank you.